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Ask Dr. Schwartz
Ask Dr. Schwartz
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

I Have This Issue

I am a 31 year old man with feelings of helpless rage that constantly infect and destroy most things such as friendships and relationships I come into contact with. I have a few friends who know I do not like being this way and, over time, I have come to trust them more than they will ever know.

My self-esteem does not exist. I have no feelings of self-worth. Hate and anger are a frequent entities in my mind. I have used recreational drugs to subdue this emptiness I suffer. Now, I no longer use and am forced to be face to face with myself. My dreams are corrupted by scenes of failure and desertion of the people whom I really do love.

What am I supposed to do to control this as it has haunted me all my life. I had breakdowns and a suicide attempt. I hate the image of myself in the mirror. I have 3 kids so suicide is not an option anymore. Where do I go?  What do I do? I am really losing my soul. I have manipulated situations using malice and tooth gritting anger to the point where people are afraid of my reactions.  My now ex-wife has developed a social axiety because of me. This is adding to my feelings of self-hatred and self-loathing.



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Reader Comments

Bad luck - - Jan 16th 2015

My life isn't all rainbows..I've gone through a lot of things ...thinking about it makes me feel like if I disappear everybody's lives will be relieve even my daughters. I'm just a burden. God is punishing me , but I'm not brave enough to take my life away. I just want this hurt that I have inside to go away. 

I'm closer to the end than i thought - - Oct 27th 2014

Its going to hurt my family. That is what kept me from doing this for so long. Its time for me to go. I do wish you all peace and hope you dont end up like me. Goodbye. 

So Hard To Say - - Jul 3rd 2014
If one is physically healthy with no disease, then why would suicide even cross ones mind? Its so much easier to deal with mental health issues than a chronic or terminal illness where one lingers waiting for the end while watching others who are vibrant and healthy.

Hard times.. - - Jun 3rd 2014

Theirs time when things goes wrong were ou want to kill yourself, but doing that is bad, but in one way to solve this is, you always want to think ur self, think what just happen, think whats going around you, and not to think of killing ur self, there are people out thier will cause to do things like that... but in the other hand there others that will and do care for you a lot, deeply in ur heart feel the beats with ur hands or mine and stare out in space and leting that out, think a new generation, foeget the old pass but if your still into that pass then think deep and find out to solve that probelm. i hope this helps for people out their and please forgive me if i make this worse for you am sorry be safe out their am here just to help    

Already dead anyways? - - Mar 28th 2014

When I get to thinking deeply I contemplate whether or not I'm dead already. the definition of death is to cease living. Is living a heart beat and blood flow or is it more than that a sense of self actualization and love to another? 

Since my girlfriend left me: for the past year I have done nothing but sleep. I find it easier to not be conscious than to be awake and aware, isnt this what death would bring? I would get my wish of enternal sleep. Never have to wake up and say to myself "fuck why do I have to wake up, what's the fucking point?"

I'm a college student who for the last year has dramatically become more and more dead inside. Everything that made me ,me I have ceased doing, due to this relentless depression. my school work is crushing me, I have stopped exercising (exercise science major), I no longer care to socialize with anyone, even my family and I have grown so far apart. My friends and I don't speak to one another.  

I get out of class (when I go now, currently failing 4 out of 5 of my classes, had a 3.8 GPA before this semester) and then I sleep all day so I don't have to feel the pain of feeling alone. 

so, you tell me,  losing everything that makes you you and finding it easier to just sleep all day because dreams are the only place you don't feel pain. Is that really living? Or am I already dead? (I'm sure if anyone can relate it's the people reading this.)

Hard to care anymore - DNM - Jan 16th 2013

I used to be so happy and full of life growing up and then things went downhill in my teens... family problems, etc deeply affected me emotionally. I grasped for attention by doing stupid things, like many teens do, but I began to take things too far. I became to actually be depressed and suicidal. I tried to take my life a few years back and ended up in the hospital for 2 months and ever since then I do not feel the same. Everytime I go to bed, I find myself hoping I do not wake up. I've been drinking a lot lately... just hoping that I'll pass out and never have to care again. I feel so hopeless : ( It sucks seeing all my highschool friends having lives and travelling the world, while I can barely manage to get out of bed some days

suicide is my life :( - Tasha Swisher - Jan 15th 2013

for the past few years i have thought about killing my self almost everyday and i have cut myself and i have o.d.ed 2 times i kno its not smart but when ur at that point in life it looks alot better than living wit wats botherng you

Suicide - Onica Gaotime - Dec 28th 2012

My 11 year old, gorgeous boy accidentally hanged himself in 2002. That left a hole in my heart, sometimes I'm fine and somedays I feel like I failed him and maybe I should have loved him more than I did or maybe said something about the danger of the play he was trying but in the process died!

Big Black Pit!!!!! - - Dec 18th 2012

In a space of 3 months my mum died (suicide) and then my husband collapsed and died. Ifeel totally alone and trapped. I can't do the same as my mum to my kids as their dad is gone. I want the pain to end. I want to die, pray every night that by morning I am dead.

suicide thoughts - Josh - Nov 23rd 2012

I  been suicidal for years. i wonder if everyone feels so low and out of control at times. It get hard to even look up at times. I cry out to God, and then realize I might be lost again, if I can't trust him anymore. It's scary to cross over when you think you might go to hell for unforgiveness, even if its against your own self. 

would the suicide be the answer? - - Nov 23rd 2012

i need help, i´m not a suicidel person, however i have think about it many times... well, maybe  i am suicidel person... i need help, right away... 

rock bottom - - Oct 9th 2010

my wife wants a divorce. i came close to suicide and passed by this site. I tested the knot and it failed. I can't even trust that I can commit suicide successfully. I'm going to see a doctor and get some happy pills maybe. what a messed up world this is. I wish I was dead.

Hey! - Kara - Sep 29th 2010

Thank you, for making the time to make this website i learned lot from this website. i am currently making a Suicide project in health and this website was helpful.

it's not the answer - - Sep 14th 2008

suicide is not the answer to your problem...

Hindu view on suicide - EARTH - Jan 21st 2008

Hindu view on suicide

Hinduism does not approve suicide. Hindus believe that human life is very precious, which is attainted after after hundreds and thousands of births and provides an unique opportunity to each individual to make a quantum jump into higher planes of existence or attain immortality. Even gods and other celestial beings do not have this opportunity unless they come down to earth and take birth as human beings. 

- - Jan 4th 2008

I tried to kill myself seven months ago and I cant stop the thinking of this would be a better place without me. help


thanks - - Nov 15th 2007
thanks, Im accually doing a school project for health, and from your site I learned alot